BALLS!

Whatever little faith I actually still had in humanity has FINALLY disappeared! On the first night home from break too! I'm tacking the reason on the following:

My parents' divorce has made our house a weird two sided battlefield, my dad won't talk to me because I'm no longer going pre-med and doing horrible in bio, my mom thinks I'm making a mistake by joining phi psi, when I come from I have to deal with loads of shit from my two friends at home, Brendan and Abby, about how apparently I'm not the friend they want me to be because I don't take any free time I have to call them, and for whatever insane reason, my ex-girlfriend felt the need to tell me that she lost her virginity with a boy she has been dating for 5 FUCKING MONTHS. FUCK. There is no need for me to ever have faith in humanity. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be spiteful and listen to Bad Religion. :)

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can’t move
Awake but cannot open my eyes

And sometimes when you’re on
You’re really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you

But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through
You’ll fake it if you have to
And you’ll show up for work with a smile

And you’ll be better
And you’ll be smarter
And more grown up
And a better son
And a real good friend
And you’ll be awake
You’ll be alert
You’ll be positive though it hurts
And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you’ll be a real good listener
You’ll be honest
You’ll be brave
You’ll be handsome

You’ll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
And your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
And you’ll fight it
You’ll go out fighting all of them

Ποῦ εἶ, ὦ φίλη μου;

I'm going to take this opportunity to write in my blog. I'm currently in a bio review session. I hate Bio. I hate science. It's not my thing. I feel horribly screwed because even when I do pay attention I'm lost and when I don't I'm... well, still lost, just not as worried.

I should probably inform my dad sometime that I'm not going to be doing med-school and that I want to go back to my previous dream of becoming a professor of Archaeology, Classics, Ancient Greek, Latin, or Anthropology (linguistic).

Science isn't working out for me. I assumed that I would do alright in Bio, but I'm horribly wrong.

ANYWAY

"So, Phil, HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND!?"

Good I guess. 

Friday - Phi Psi party, cops and robbers theme. Had a good time, raged it.

Saturday - After cleaning the house ~2 PM we had a very long pledge activity. Our pledge master had been kidnapped and it was up to us to find him! We knew it was Kappa Beta Gamma, they're really the only sorority we socialize with on a regular basis. Either way, we found him. It was fun. We did many things in order TO find him, but we did it.

Afterwards, I had promised Sarah that we would smoke that night. BUT other things came up, and she got mad. Worked it out, still where I was on the topic of Sarah; lost in my own mind.

SUNDAY (that's today) I slept all day today, woke up, did Greek, had my radio show, and now I'm just in Bio Review.

God my life is boring fucking repetitive.

Although, something neat; Saturday morning I woke up and my right arm was paralyzed. I couldn't move it. So after playing with what was a weird rubbery extension of the right side of my torso for like 5 minutes it came back. Freaked me the fuck out though...

Sorry to bore you. There's not much fascinating information here. I hate Bio, my weekend was stupid and boring, and I'm frightened to death of how my GPA is going to be affected by this class.

I JUST WANT BREAK TO START. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Also, I can't wait to be an RA next year :)

Updates, Desperate Straits, and Barfing Roommates

Well then. It has been kind of a while since I've updated my blog. I'm not really going to do a thorough update of what has happened in the past (almost) month. I'll just sort of glide over some things, however.

For one, I have abandoned by anti-fraternity stance, but not completely. So I'm pledging to ΦΚΨ, but it is an exception simply because it is not what the other fraternities are. Granted, its the nerdy fraternity on campus, but the brothers are all the nicest guys on the planet, I enjoy hanging out with them, they do have fun parties that attract GOOD people (as apposed to bros and hos who often outdrink themselves and end up barfing in a trashcan in the basement and spend the next day in awe of themselves). Also, big up to an anti-hazing stance. There are fun missions/tasks etc. that we get sent on as bonding, but really, no hazing. The closest thing to hazing they do is the study halls and meetings we have to attend. PLUS, it's good that I go out and make some friends who are members of the same sex, since I rarely ever do so. So, that being said, live ever, die never ΦΚΨ.

Classes have been picking up pace... I got into a debate with the obnoxious kid in my Intro to Religious Studies class because he said that the Hasidim just leeched off of America. Oyvhey. What is to be said for closed gate communities then? It's not like they just take up welfare and do NOTHING in return. They don't even take welfare, they just work in their own community, which IN TURN BENEFITS the US. sfja;lsdfj;adslfk! Douche.

Ancient Greek - Goin' fine

Latin - is Latin

Bio - fuck science. Although this is pretty much the only science I'll ever even remotely succeed at.

SO, NOW THAT YOU ARE ALL CAUGHT UP ON THE WILD EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE RAVAGED MY PAST MONTH. 

Current events =)

I went without sleep for roughly 40 hours last yesterday. Friday night was a party for Phi Psi and when we got out at around 2 I was very inebriated and I knew that if I went to sleep, I wasn't going to get up for the very long 100 item scavenger hunt I had to begin at 8 AM. So I just stayed up. It wasn't so bad. And then Saturday night(/morning) I went to bed and slept for a good 12 hours. Hip hip! Hi hi!

As a side track, I didn't sleep in my bed Saturday night, but rather Sarah's again. We cuddled and watched Princess Bride. As friends, as usual. Mehhhhhaklsdfj.

I have such conflicting arguments in my head. Here's a snippet of the mini-Phils arguing in my head:

"What does it matter if you're not with her? You like her for who she is and getting to spend time with her is the ultimate goal then, is it not?"

"Yeah it is, but still, you're alone and you really like her. She's a rare chance of happiness with someone you adore."

"But just because you're not dating doesn't mean you can't still enjoy her company."

"With thoughts like that you can just spend your whole life alone enjoying the company of friends."

BALLS

And not coming to my room may have been a good thing. I was informed when I ventured back to my room that my roommate got bad food poisoning last night and is gunna be home for the next few days. YAY, single room for Philip!

So NOW, it's 5:45 AM. I have not slept since I woke up at 2 PM Sunday. So. Here begins another LONG FUCKING DAY. I've got Greek at 9AM, Intro to Religious Studies at 11 AM, and BIO-FUCKING-LAB FROM 1 to 4:30! Oh, and did I forget to mention my RA Interview at 8:20? laksdjf;lasdjf;adjsf;lkasdjjkldfgjkdfshjk. I am an idiot.

And now for a song in which the lyrics mean essentially nothing but I love the beat and every now and then the lyrics trick me into thinking there's some sort of great meaning to them:

Semiotic Love by Blaqk Audio

Peace, bitches.

Philip's Log: January 28, 2008

So I thought I might want to update my blog with what I have done in this exciting week back at F&M.

The first week of classes was just usual getting acquainted with the professors and judging how prepared I would have to be for their class. My Latin, Greek, and Intro to Religious Studies classes require minimum organization and a lot of reading, which is pretty good. But as for Bio 110, as a science course, it naturally has more organization than I am equipped to handle. I don't actually know what homework is due tomorrow/today.

SPEAKING OF what's due tomorrow, my first weekend back at college and I'm already back to slowly destroying my body. I pretty much made up for all the smoking and drinking I didn't do on vacation. Out of guilt for my massive smokefest on Friday and Saturday I decided I would go to the gym. I ran a 5K on the tredmill and I got my personal record from 11th grade. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. In 11th grade I was as good as a college student who smoked and drank more than what is acceptable on weekends and smoked every now and then durring the week? Bralfasdf. Well whatever, I'm going to stop smoking. All it does is make me sloppy, hungry, and lazy. So, while I won't completely stop smoking, I'm probably not going to be buying any more. It's just not good for me or my wallet.

SO, BACK TO FITNESS FOR PHIL. YESSIRRY!

I had an interesting conversation with Sarah. We discussed.... well a lot I guess, but the most important part to me was what has been bugging me for a long time. I'm lonely, granted, very lonely. But I'm not a man-whore and I just don't do random hookups, and I hate relationships, and whenever I meet a girl I think I would love to actually try a relationship with she either already has complications of her own with another guy or she just wants to be friends. Mrhasdlkfj. But hey, Sarah admitted that she led me on in her own spurt of loneliness. And it was justified because I know I do the same things. i.e. - flirt with people you don't like and even the people you publicly say are annoying/slutty/idiots just because when you see that you actually have the possibility of getting with them you feel better about yourself. BUT HEY, at least it's not as destructive as the other method of dealing with our vast human loneliness, sleeping with every single person who comes your way and being a man-whore who just hangs around frats to pick up drunk girls who will likely regret you in the morning.

Meshugana. I do miss my ex. But I think just because I miss the comfort of having a girlfriend. It stopped being because I loved her and started being because I was comfortable not having to think about being lonely. Also, it wasn't really me, we all change when we're in relationships because we so desperately want them to work because we all hate that we're so alone.

Whatever, embrace that compatibility is hard to come by, because when you find that one person you really do match up with, and they head down the same road as you, that makes them all the more special.

Though now that my parents, who have been married for 40 years, are finally getting divorced, I'm not going to lie; my faith that there is any one girl who exists that I could be with, without developing a dependancy, who wouldn't go down a different path than me in life so that we might change TOGETHER and as one and stay together until the day we die, is dwindling.

Life is weird and boring. With occasional moments of excitement. I want to just go and fuckin travel 'n shit. (I say that in a sarcastic nonchalance). But really. I want to see things, learn things, and become a professor.

This has been, a look into the psyche of a mentally-warped 19-year-old.

Χαίρετε, ὦ ἄνθροποι. ὑμας πάντας φιλῶ. :)

Steamboat, Colorado

SO I HAVE RETURNED FROM MY BRAVE SKI TRIP TO STEAMBOAT, COLORADO.

It was purrrdy awesome. Let me start with the only worthwhile pictures I took the entire trip, the flight there:

AND

So those are the only two real good pictures I got. But be not dissuaded, Colorado was GORGEOUS, not just the flight there and the sunrise I took a picture of.

Day One:

Woke up ~7:00AM

Skied out ~8:00AM

We skied from then until around noon, which was some of the most exhausting skiing I have ever partaken in. It was more or less a blizzard, there was no light, there was really cold wind blowing, and then on top of it all the visibility was zilch. People and trees seemed to just materialize out of a grey soup. On top of all that I neglected to bring my contacts, so I was skiing with my glasses under my goggles, which DID NOT go well as they fogged every time I stopped skiing. It sucked.

So we rested around noon for lunch and skied back out, I was reluctant, my body was dead from the skiing and I didn't want to have to go and be blind on a very steep hill with these waxed boards strapped to my feet. NONETHELESS, the rest of the day went well. Later, we went to "The Old Town Pub and Grill" for dinner, which had some scrumptious food choices.

Day numero dos:

Wake up ~7:00AM with MUCH muscle pain and stiffness

Ski out anyway ~8:00AM, feeling significantly better than I did when I got out of bed

The skiing of day 2 was phenomenally better than that of the first. The sky was clear, the snow was fresh and powdery without being too much that I get stuck in it. I had somewhat adapted to the glasses and goggles mixture and could see where I was going. We hit the best hills the mountain had to offer and went for lunch again at around noon.

We headed back out again around one and skied until close, which was fantastic as I already said. This was the best skiing of my life :)

On top of that, now that I have finished reading Ben Franklin's autobiography for my father I could read whatever I desired. SO I finally began The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. He makes some fantastic arguments which have moved me a bit away from my 50/50 agnosticism more towards atheism. But I still refer to myself as Pantheistic anyway, i.e. - God is synonymous with the laws that govern the universe and nature. Dawkins seems to get sort of caught up in posing funny little tid-bits of Atheists and Agnostics encountering mistreatment on behalf of their decision to doubt. Which are entertaining but dull at times. 

NEXT UP, I have yet to finish The Fountainhead, so I should get back on that, but I have to wait till I get back to F&M because that's where I left the book :P After that, on deck is Atlas Shrugged.

So now I'm home and I can begin being a sloth again until I have to go back to F&M. Where I'll still be a sloth, just I'll be ignoring important school work simultaneously.

Peace out, bro-scouts.

WRONG WRONG WRONG

I JUST WOKE UP AT 7:30 WITHOUT AN ALARM!!! NO. BAD BAD BAD.

I have a good sleep schedule? This violates WAY TOO MANY laws of nature.

I saw Juno last night an it was really good. It was exactly what every single person I asked said it was. It was cute.

Alllllright. Well then, since I've reached the conclusion that for some reason I am remarkably unhealthy at home as opposed to school, I think I'm going to go for a run. Seriously, I ran every day and worked out every day at F&M and then I come home and sleep all day and laze around and night. So, changing that.

Wooooo.

P.S. - Why is the time I post my blogs always 3 hours behind?